Moment of Clarity
by StarTraveler
Summary: Takes place during the SQuire of Gothos. Jim and Spock's thoughts as Trelane pointed the gun at Spock. Slash


Disclaimer:I own nothing.

AN:Takes place during the Squire of Gothos, based on a challenge from ksarchive.

I think the clearest moment we realize that Kirk loves Spock is in the Squire of Gothos, At the duel, Kirk wants himself and Trelane to shoot at the same time. Trelane wants to shoot first. In order to get the first shot Trelane immediately aims at Spock (notice there are several other crew members there to point at). Kirk doesn't even hesitate in his decision to let Trelane indeed fire first when Spock is threatened. What are Spock and Kirk thinking? Does Spock realize in that moment Kirk loves him? Does Kirk suddenly realize he loves Spock? What was the conversation about when they returned to the ship? As always Spock is probably bothered by the fact that Kirk puts himself in harm's way to save him. It is not logical for a ship's captain to die before first officer. What do you think?

Trelane's smile was as wide as a child's but there was nothing childlike or charming about him as he was holding them all captive. Jim held his pistol projecting authority and confidence determined to get himself and his crew out alive. "I shall have the first shot." Jim bristled; he knew he'd get a bullet in the heart if Trelane got the first shot. Trelane got an angry look, "My game, my rules, unless you need to be persuaded. He aimed the gun at Spock. Jim felt his heart stop; Spock had been a part of his life for so long he couldn't remember how what it was like without him, his right arm, his best friend, practically a member of his family. Losing Spock would kill him Jim quickly put his captain's face back on, but Trelane's smile said it was too late. "All right." And then he shook his head when Spock attempted to speak.

Spock watched his captain face off with Trelane, he admired how Jim always kept calm in a situation then Trelane had pointed the weapon at him and he saw Jim's eyes go wide and they held fear. He'd never seen Jim show any emotion facing off with an alien before. Why now? "Captain?" He asked.

Jim shook his head and Spock knew he was to stay quiet. He'd thought of times he'd seen humans react this way and it was situations where there was a deep connection between two people. He valued his friendship with Jim; they'd shared a few mind minds when the situation called for it. Jim was willing to let himself possibly be shot for him and the others to survive. He quickly admonished himself as this was not the time to be thinking of such things. He felt his heart lurch in his side as Trelane fired but thankfully not at Jim.

Then Jim fired at the mirror and Trelane's power had diminished considerably.

++++++++  
+Hours later Spock sat in front of his firepot, Trelane had been defeated and was no longer a threat and he was thinking about the events of the day. He had always loved Jim's eyes because before meeting Jim, Spock had never known such a color could exist. He knew that emotion in Jim's eyes had been fear. Fear that Spock was about to be killed. It was more than the fear that a starship captain could feel for another crew member.

He had seen that Jim loved him.

He knew he cared for Jim deeply, without trying Jim had broken through his Vulcan discipline. As he thought of it he knew he would not oppose a relationship with Jim, Jim was his friend and like a brother. Could it be he was destined to be lover as well?

Thyla.

An ancient Vulcan term for friend, brother, lover. Jim had filled the first two and if fate allowed would he be the third quality as well. Thyla was something all Vulcans searched for but it had been two thousand years since there'd last been a recorded case.

Spock was close in rank to Jim so he couldn't be considered an underling and Starfleet didn't discourage two senior staff members from having a relationship. Also same sex relationships were common and legal on both Vulcan and Earth.

Then there was the matter of T'Pring the Vulcan woman he'd been betrothed to when they were both seven, he didn't love her and he knew she despised the idea of being married to him. She despised him for his human half. He was sure when it came time for the marriage ceremony she would no doubt invoke kalifee.

He didn't know when pon farr would come, another year or two it was certain although he hoped his human half would spare him. He needed to talk to Jim about how he felt and see if Jim felt something. Also he needed to know about T'Pring.

His decision made, Spock got up and decided not to use the passageway that connected their quarters, and he would stand outside the door and be admitted properly.

Jim sat in his quarters watching the stars as they streaked by, he loved Spock, the knowledge had always been there but he'd kept it deep down. He wasn't opposed to loving a man. He had loved Gary and even though their affair had ended long before he became captain, Gary's death was still a deep wound, some of which would always be there.

But Spock was a Vulcan, taught to hide his emotions and never gave any evidence that he felt anything toward him. Jim couldn't bear the thought of their friendship ending. The chime startled him, "Who is it?"

"It's Spock." Jim knew this moment had to come and he pressed the button that would open the door.

"Please come in Spock." Spock did so and the door slid shut.

"Jim I would like to talk to you about today, when Trelane pointed the weapon at us I saw fear in your eyes; you have never allowed your emotions to show before."

Jim sighed and looked into those dark eyes, he saw curiosity and openness. "I don't know what happened, Trelane pointed that gun right at you and I thought my heart would come out of my chest. I realized in that moment how important you are to me, how I'd feel if ...I ...lost you. You're like a brother to me, my best friend...I have so many things churning inside me I can't describe them."

"Jim when you agreed to the dual I felt great dislike for it and I wanted to ask you why you would illogically put yourself in the path of a weapon, knowing that Trelane could kill you at any time, I knew if he had I would not stop until I had avenged you. Then I saw your eyes with fear and you told me to keep quiet, I knew it was myself that you were scared for. Jim, I see you as my captain and friend."

Jim felt his heart sink but he steeled himself for the rejection.

"But I am not opposed to a relationship with you." As Jim's eyes lit up, Spock knew he needed to be honest and he hated the thought of that light going out of Jim's eyes. "There are some things you need to know. At age seven I was betrothed to a Vulcan woman named T'Pring. I do not love her and I know she does not love me."

"Since you're both adults why don't you find a way to break it?" Jim asked.

"It's not that simple, there is another matter it is a time of great shame and Vulcans do not wish to speak of it, not even to each other."

Jim stood up and touched Spock's shoulder, "I won't betray your privacy."

Spock took a breath, "When a male reaches a certain point in his adult life he undergoes the Pon Farr, it strips our minds from us and we become like animals, the locks on our emotions come down and even logic disappears. It then happens every seven years after the first one, so at age seven a Vulcan male is bonded to a female so he can someone help him. When his pon farr comes they meet at the place of marriage or challenge, we call it konn-ut-kali-fee. As long as the mate is willing then the male will be gentle during the pon farr."

"So that's why you're bonded." Jim finished.

Spock nodded, "But the bond can be broken if a more suitable match is found. I would like to court you and see where our relationship goes. But if all of this about me is to disturbing I will understand."

Jim shook his head, "I want to see where our relationship goes, how long before your Pon Farr happens?"

"I have just entered the period humans call adulthood since we mature slower by human standards, so it could be two years."

"I still haven't changed my mind Spock."

Spock felt relief, "I am glad Jim."

"Before this morning I only thought of you as just my friend and brother, now I'm talking romance with you."

"Thyla." Spock said.

"What did you say?"

"It's Vulcan for friend, brother, lover. It's how your language would translate it. We have already achieved two of those phrases."

Jim felt his heart race, they were facing the tunnel of the unknown but he was ready to take the journey.

"May I kiss you goodnight?" Spock asked.

Jim felt himself melt, "You don't need permission."

Spock touched their hands, "This is how Vulcan's kiss." He leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss on Jim's lips, "I am also willing to kiss the human way."

Jim touched their hands again, "And I will be willing to kiss the Vulcan way."

Spock's eyes smiled for him, "We are on our way to Starbase Seven and they have concerts, will you accompany to one tomorrow at 2100?"

"I would be honored."

"Then I will bid you goodnight Jim."

"Goodnight Spock." The door slid shut as he left and Jim went to his bunk and lay down with a smile on his face.


End file.
